**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That accounts for only three of the penises
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
