You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
