Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
