Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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