Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
