Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
