a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
