So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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