i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
