Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
