I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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