Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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