What a fucking waste of an outfit
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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