What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
