i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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