I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
