I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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