Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
