literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
