I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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