Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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