i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
