I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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