i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
