my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I enjoy the company of your penis
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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