oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
