What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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