Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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