Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
