i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
