OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
