There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
