Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
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I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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