omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
