does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
