So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
