I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
