and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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