How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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