no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
