Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
