Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
