You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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