Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
