the condom got lost in my hair
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
