He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize