I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
