I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
