Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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