I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
