It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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