6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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