I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
