Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
