do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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