Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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