Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
BRING THE BAGELS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
