Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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