i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My bed smells like the plague
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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