I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
