so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
