I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize