I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
