Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
