I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
