if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
